-The view from here-

I like this picture.

I would like to go to a place like this. Standing at the bottom of such an enormous structure makes me small again, and sometimes being small (in the shadow of such a great structure) can be comforting.

It reminds me of how it should be with God. Being in His presence 24/7 means so little to us nowadays, and we take it for granted. The things we do, the things we say, how we feel and what we fill our hearts and minds with, we do not seem to realise that we are transparent to the One who matters.

God.

Being in the shadow of God is such a great thing. Its better than standing out in the cold alone. Then it doesnt matter how big you make yourself out to be, because at the end of it all, you’re clumsy, you’re helpless, you’re vulnerable.

You’re alone.

When I stand at the foot of a big structure, I always feel this pressure coming down on me. A hint of immense pressure, as if something were to collapse down on me anytime, bringing me to my knees, crushing me. But I never ever feel fear, instead, I am filled with this sense of awareness, I never feel overwhelmed, because I know that whatever it is that’s threatening to break and cave in, I have nothing to fear, because even if the sky were to fall down on me, my God will hold it up for me.

When I stand at the bottom of the steps, I see the long way more I have to go. I may fall down along the way, but there are railings to keep me in, to keep me from falling abroad. But if I make that choice to be careless enough to fall over the railings, then I have no one to blame but myself. God will protect us because He loves us, and He won’t make us vulnerable to dangers beyond our ability of overcoming.

Walking up the steps, you get to see glimpses of the view on top. Fragments here and there, a promise of the beauty that awaits.

Here I am, still climbing my way up, always in the shadow of Him who is guiding me.

The view from here is grey and foggy and I’m straining to see in front of me.

But i reach out my hand and I feel the strong steady hardness of the wall, and I sit down on one of the steps, lean back and rest.

You see, when journey up, I always know that the wall will be there. As long as I keep my body and heart close to the wall, I won’t go anywhere close to the danger of the railings. And when I am lost, crippled and tired, I can always lean back and rest.

Can you imagine the view from the top? 🙂

Hold on. Wait awhile more, and none of us will have to imagine any longer.

-worrysome-

Worry, Anxiety, Annoyance.

Something is wrong with Firefox. This is so irritating.

I lost my google toolbar, I lost that BBC daily news updates thingy, and all my bookmarked sites!

Grr.

-Victoria-

‘Therefore, since Christ suffered in His body, arm yourselves also with the same attitude, because He who has suffered in His body is done with sin. As a result, He does not live the rest of his earthly life for human desires, but rather for the will of God.’

~1 Peter 4:1,2

I’m uncertain. But I am in.

-Teddy Geiger-

He sings beautifully. The gruff but smooth quality. 🙂 The songs that have really caught my attention are Night Air, These Walls and For You I Will. Those are really good. The rest are okay too. (:

Don’t be mistaken. I haven’t seen the man’s face yet. Caught his name on the Sg idol and decided to go to radioblogclub to check out his songs. Whoa, they’re good. (:

Hurhurhurhurhur 😀

-This song reminds me of a certain phonecall I had with someone over a year ago which… er, affected me. Yup. I had my walls, and they came crumbling down.

I have done lot’s of stupid things. If only I kept those walls up for a while more. But I like this song, the tune and its groove got me before the lyrics.

These Walls – Teddy Geiger

can’t believe what is in front of me
the water’s rising up to my knees
and i can’t figure out
how the hell i wound up here
everything seemed okay when i started out the other day
then the rain came pouring down
and now im drowning in my fears
and as i watch the setting sun
i wonder if im the only one

[Chorus]
cause everybody tries to put some love on the line
and everybody feels a broken heart sometimes
and even when i’m scared i have to try to fly
sometimes i fall
but ive seen it done before
i got to step outside these walls

i’ve got no master plan to help me out
or make me stand up for
all the things i really want
you had me to afraid to ask
and as i look ahead of me
cry and pray for sanity

[chorus]

these walls can’t be my haven
these walls can’t keep me safe here
now i guess i got to let them down

cause everybody tries to put some love on the line
and everybody feels a broken heart sometimes, yeah
even when i’m scared i have to try to fly
sometimes i fall
but i’ve seen it done before

i got to break out…
i got to break out…
i got to step outside these walls
love outside these walls
i feel my heart breaking
but its a brand new day
im going down
im stepping out
im stepping outside
these walls
{i’ve seen it done before.. i’m walking on, i’ll walk it off, oh i’m moving on)

-Dreams-

i dream freaky dreams. One day ago I dreamt that my entire jaw was locked open and I couldnt control my saliva.

When I tried to set it right, the entire lower jaw came out. That is, my teeth only. haha. Gross. and for some reason, I was at my tuition centre there.

I dreamt of other impossible things. But I can’t remember.

I’m thinking too much. sigh.

-Religion-

“Well, whatever you do, Will, don’t have a great, costly church that takes so much money to build and support it that you have nothing to give away. Ilike the plain, old-fashioned churches, built for use, not show, where people met for hearty praying and preaching, and where everybody made their own music instead of listening to opera singers as we do now. I don’t care if the old churches were pretty bare and ol, and the seats hard, there was real piety in them, and the sincerity of it was felt in the lives of the people. I don’t want religion that I put away with my Sunday clothes and don’t take out till the day comes around again. I want something to see and feel and live by day by day, and I hope you’ll be one of the true ministers who can teach by precept and example to get and keep it.”

-Polly Milton,
An Old Fashioned Girl by Louisa May Alcott

-He’s back-

It’s a little late.

When I first received news that he was possibly going to return, I wanted to post a blog entry to make a big happy announcement. but I didnt.

When he did come, I again, considered blogging about it. But I didnt. Instead, I told Davinia. Not revealing the build up of emotions inside, but telling her in a matter of fact style. I did attempt to explain the significance of his return, but I wasnt clear myself. But she got the main gist I assume.

Its hard to react when such rare opportunities come by. You spend most of your time wondering what you would actually do when these times arrive, but then when caught in the actual situation, you realise that you either lack the courage to take action, or you think or ponder too much that the moment just passes you by.

I received books yesterday. Mama brought them. He gave us many Sarah Dessen titles (ones that Danni and SarahK would appreciate) and a few other books. There’s this The Gospel according to Jimmy or something. It’s supposed to be a funny book. There are a few snoopy soft toys and he gave my sister a snoopy watch. Its adorable. (:

I selfishly wanted it for myself. haha.

They’re all new. I think he brought them from New York.

Davinia told me that while at London, she spotted some ducks and wanted to take a picture for me. But they kept on running away. haha. I laughed so hard when I heard that.

I remember that she said this once: I found my year book today, from the British school, i look very cute!

Its fun quoting you Dav. haha.

When i run out of things to say, I think about my dialouge with other people. Brings me a good many smiles. So I’m thankful that in this area, I’m blessed.

-Exasperation-

I have dinner tonight so I was in the shower. Quite in a hurry I must say.

Someone called and my maid came banging on the door telling me it was a call for me. I told her to tell that person to call back. Then she said no! very important, i told her already ah! but she say very important!

who is it?

$#%$^$% (she said something that sounded like alyssa.)

so I assumed that alyssa had something important to let me know about tomorrow.

So I dried and got the phone.

hello rachel?

-_- You got me out of the shower danne so this better be good.

it turned out to be something about surrogate mothers and the motion they were prepping for.

haiya!

-190706-

Bowling! Bowling! Yay! ahah. I woke up at exactly 10.30 this morning. I’m going to have to start sleeping early so I’ll be able to wake up early next week without dying.

I slept at 2am last night because I watched the majong game. What to do? Nothing else could have been more suitable. I can sit and think without feeling empty and horrible because I’m actually doing something – observing a game. Rather effective form of multi tasking I must say. (:

My dad was the sole winner. I cannot take the cheeky arrogant smile out of my head. the smile was constantly replayed today during bowling. Apparently, his highest score in bowling is 266 or something. Other than the first try, the rest were all strikes. ahaha. He was so gleeful. He was second to a man who got 299. All strikes save for the last “square” (I forgot what its called = =) where he scored a ‘9’ haha!

Earned him a trophy that’s sitting on top of my piano at the moment.

My mum has also won bowling trophies. (:

We played 5 games and my dad only managed a turkey in the last game. He always screwed up his third shot haha!

Its kinda easy to see why my parents ended up together. haha. On the side of my mum of course. I don’t know about my dad. =P

-seizing inspiration-

Its walking on the road at night
Solitary
The night is silent
Quiet
The creatures are hushed
Reticent
Waiting for the light
Anticipation
Impatience gnaws at the soul
Torture

The eyes are blind at first
in the thick, dense, impenetrable.
intimidation gives way
to the occasional terror
lonliness like a parasite
helplessness like a disease

feeding
feeding on the contents of the soul

Sound escapes the thick walls
Sudden. Unexpected. Accidental?
Voice
Word
Name

Inhale Exhale
momentary release

Sweet relief.

Thankyou.