Uninvited
Morissette Alanis

like anyone would be
I am flattered by your fascination with me
like any hotblooded woman
I have simply wanted an object to crave

but you you’re not allowed
you’re uninvited
an unfortunate slight

must be strangely exciting
to watch the stoic squirm
must be somewhat heartening
to watch shepherd meet shepherd

but you you’re not allowed
you’re uninvited
an unfortunate slight

like any uncharted territory
I must seem greatly intriguing
you speak of my love like
you have experienced love like mine before

but this is not allowed
you’re uninvited
an unfortunate slight

I don’t think you unworthy
I need a moment to deliberate

I really like it the way the gothic symphonic mix of loud electric guitars and violin are so beautifully fitting and harmonious, and the way the lyrics do not sink into the melody and flow like most songs do.

was it intentional?

i’d like to think it completes the entirety of meaning of the song. langarts. muahahaha.

being sick

being sick kinda helps you realise how volatile circumstances can be.

people say, in life, many people let you down. the only one you can trust is yourself.

is that really so?

how many times have we failed ourselves?

i ate spicy seaweed last night even though i was feeling feverish, and my nose was leaking like a tap. i came online, watched xmen 3 even though i should be sleeping.

today i am non-functional.

>< hurhur. guilt.

grawh. a toast to wilful girls and september rain, and brains that don’t work.

maybe this is the way you teach me how to learn

how to carry my cross and follow you.

i didn’t go back to scgs today.

do you know how painful it was for me to talk to you like that?
to hear you say things like that?
i’m not going to romanticize it nor dramatize it by saying
rubbish like
you broke my heart you farthead
or that you left me behind.

i will say that you’re so full of shit

and i miss you.

i should have known the gamble i was making when i said you were my friend.

it sucks i never was yours.

i would have loved for us to stroll,
down the beach
down where the salty breeze tickles
our noses
our mouths
our hair

we would run
oh how we would run
chasing imaginary targets
to collapse laughing
onto soft blankets of the shore’s sandy carpets

roll around abit
perhaps
watch each other abit
perhaps
laugh a little too
perhaps

and watch the sun set into the orange blue pastel colour like salty salty sea

and laugh at the times that have since past
ancient history to some

i would have loved for us to stroll,
down the beach
down where the salty breeze tickles
our noses
our mouths
our hair

perhaps

but you wouldn’t.

oh where my love are you?

the sun is waiting.

Pablo Neruda

i think that Pablo Neruda writes beautiful poetry.

he was a political activist, and he won the nobel prize for literature to alot of controversy. i wish i knew the heart of the man with the hands who penned poems such.

Saddest Poem
Pablo Neruda

I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.

Write, for instance: “The night is full of stars,
and the stars, blue, shiver in the distance.”

The night wind whirls in the sky and sings.

I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

On nights like this, I held her in my arms.
I kissed her so many times under the infinite sky.

She loved me, sometimes I loved her.
How could I not have loved her large, still eyes?

I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
To think I don’t have her. To feel that I’ve lost her.

To hear the immense night, more immense without her.
And the poem falls to the soul as dew to grass.

What does it matter that my love couldn’t keep her.
The night is full of stars and she is not with me.

That’s all. Far away, someone sings. Far away.
My soul is lost without her.

As if to bring her near, my eyes search for her.
My heart searches for her and she is not with me.

The same night that whitens the same trees.
We, we who were, we are the same no longer.

I no longer love her, true, but how much I loved her.
My voice searched the wind to touch her ear.

Someone else’s. She will be someone else’s. As she once
belonged to my kisses.
Her voice, her light body. Her infinite eyes.

I no longer love her, true, but perhaps I love her.
Love is so short and oblivion so long.

Because on nights like this I held her in my arms,
my soul is lost without her.

Although this may be the last pain she causes me,
and this may be the last poem I write for her.

For You I Will

i have to admit that
our minds don’t touch

as light subtle
butterfly wings

as cool lemonade
at midday

we still play ice breakers
we still run around in circles

we force us to walk
the emotional plank

we watch dancing shadows
in silence

you with your book

i watch you read

i with my phone

you listen to the clicking on my phone pad

and our hands fit

hugs are always welcome

tears flow free

because we are

you and me.

Post Auditions

We went to the GE branch at Grange Road for Youth Science Conference Emcee Auditions. I can’t believe i’m saying this, but i actually missed a valuable physics lesson because i had to leave early.

it was amusing because we all had to stand up to say, more or less the same speech, with improvisations here and there. There was RGS, NUS High, RI, Nanyang, HCI etc. 16 of us only, and they need only 12. hahahaha.

this is post auditions outing. outing? eh. a walk-walk session around taka. (:

Fart and the Fat one.

Everyone is beautiful? We have cut it down to specifics. (:

And the wall came crumbling down. HAHAHAHAHAH.

take two? (:

I went to meet Lynn and Danni-poo after, to watch Mr Bourne kick ass. No pictures for that unfortunately. But i love friends. they make life here easier to live.

oh baby i wish the anxiety attacks will stop
panic buttons out of control
the hot breath of despair on my neck
i notice the shadows
i notice the shadows move
did they?
honey did you see?
or maybe you cannot share this with me

would you take me on your go-cart
out to the hills
out to the hills where the air is fresh and sweet
would you run with me?
arms wide open around trees and flowers and fields and.
no sugar this isn’t real
you think i see you?
your eyes remind me of my fear
your touch the fire of judgement
your collar that this is merely a lazy distraction
you think i see you?
baby you cannot share my burden with me

behind the pastel smiles
i sit by black and white
i lean by darkness
i wait to fall into the light
because i cannot escape
i cannot
cannot
cannot
run
away

and baby
you cannot share this with me