dear friend,

thanks for remembering me. and praying for me.

dear yiying,

Lysosomes! What can they do? One of their functions are controlled-regulated-cell death! Where, they tell cells when to die! I found that so hilarious while studying. Hahaha! Ah the delights of late night studying.

I need to find other things to laugh at. Like Eleanor being a communist in a Maoist uniform because she wears the same thing every week! And the fact that I was so blessed during the chinese paper today I was rendered speechless. I didn’t know what to say! I mean who studies for questions that come out? My God is a God of miracles. (:

How was your chinese paper honey?

I remember you laughing at me when I was at your house, when your mother said some phrase in chinese that was supposed to mean period, and I went huh?! twice. 😀

Ahhh what am I going to do? I know! SLEEP. -.- I bet you’re already snoring you piggie.

Hee! loves<3

dear davinia,

I like that picture. I think it was taken around this time last year, teachers day cum ACES day. and I miss you alot.

I miss our science class lab conversations where we would play with match sticks and laugh at geklynn and lailing as they try and balance on their stools. Those are evidence that you can do well even if you couldn’t care less about listening in class. I remember I topped the class for one science paper. How sweet was that? In the end of years, my best section was physics because I liked electricity. Here, I listen and still don’t do well. hahaha. Its just me.

I sat for my physics paper today Dav, and I think I’m going to fail. and I can’t fail. I’ve done so badly for physics the past two review week tests. you know what’s the irony? I didn’t study much for the first review week test and I did so well, I practiced hard for the second and third ( i had two tests for review week 2 and i failed both.

I don’t want to comfort myself and allow myself to believe I’m not cut out for something like that.

What’s it like being a prefect? I always wanted to know what it felt like to be recognised by your teachers and your peers. I never really was accepted in SC, and never really got the affirmation that I wanted, maybe that’s why I bear so many grudges. Haha. I remember me being angry with you for wanting to fit in. At least you loved them more than I ever could.

Everytime I see the third language students walk pass me as I trudge my way homeward, I remember how we (ah the good times!) used to rush off at 1.50 for your french classes. Now the closes thing I have to that is listening to Joann talk about Willie and his funny friends at french. -_- How you and Sasha used to make fun of the guys! Haha!

Will you spare sometime for eggplant after the exams? I want to crash your place and read books, use your sewing machine, rummage through your earring box and swoon, and see how your hands will always be bigger than mine.

I’m just so afraid that neglect will kill the friendship. rah.

reassure me will you?

dear God

help me remember that this does not matter, and only Your love does. don’t forsake me.

dear life,

the exams are coming. to be more precise, they’re 2 days away. i don’t remember to take a whiff of the air in the morning, but when i do, it’ll probably smell just as sweet. things haven’t really changed i suppose, but i wish i were as faithful as September mornings, and as colourful, just as spirited as free as the wind.

you know, i used to think myself too open and too transparent with my emotions, i didn’t want to be an open book, somehow that didn’t match the sophisticated air i wanted to feel i had. yeah far fetched i know. but still, the girl has to dream yes? 🙂

since i’m doing literature studies (or am supposed to be at least) let’s just put it this way: its ironical that life presents me with a quandary-suddenly i’ve become elusive. or maybe people just cannot be bothered to pay attention anymore.

this is the time i suppose the true sneak a hug from behind and the not-meant-to-bes gently take their leave. then along with this realisation you too awaken to the fact that there are people you cannot live without. and these mingle with the exam stress give you me, the product of circumstances. i have no fighting spirit. i don’t know where it has gone to.

so, i don’t deserve to win.

Uninvited
Morissette Alanis

like anyone would be
I am flattered by your fascination with me
like any hotblooded woman
I have simply wanted an object to crave

but you you’re not allowed
you’re uninvited
an unfortunate slight

must be strangely exciting
to watch the stoic squirm
must be somewhat heartening
to watch shepherd meet shepherd

but you you’re not allowed
you’re uninvited
an unfortunate slight

like any uncharted territory
I must seem greatly intriguing
you speak of my love like
you have experienced love like mine before

but this is not allowed
you’re uninvited
an unfortunate slight

I don’t think you unworthy
I need a moment to deliberate

I really like it the way the gothic symphonic mix of loud electric guitars and violin are so beautifully fitting and harmonious, and the way the lyrics do not sink into the melody and flow like most songs do.

was it intentional?

i’d like to think it completes the entirety of meaning of the song. langarts. muahahaha.

being sick

being sick kinda helps you realise how volatile circumstances can be.

people say, in life, many people let you down. the only one you can trust is yourself.

is that really so?

how many times have we failed ourselves?

i ate spicy seaweed last night even though i was feeling feverish, and my nose was leaking like a tap. i came online, watched xmen 3 even though i should be sleeping.

today i am non-functional.

>< hurhur. guilt.

grawh. a toast to wilful girls and september rain, and brains that don’t work.

maybe this is the way you teach me how to learn

how to carry my cross and follow you.