Prayer.

“It is not enough for the believer to begin to pray, nor to pray correctly; nor is it enough to continue for a time to pray. We must patiently, believingly continue in prayer until we obtain an answer. Further, we have not only to continue in prayer until the end, but we have also to believe that God does hear us and will answer our prayers. Most frequently we fail in not continuing in prayer until the blessing is obtained, and in not expecting the blessing. Those who are disciples of the Lord Jesus should labor with all their might in the work of God as if everything depended upon their own endeavors. Yet, having done so, they should not in the least trust in their labor and efforts, nor in the means that they use for the spread of the truth, but in God alone; and they should with all earnestness seek the blessing of God in persevering, patient, and believing prayer. Here is the great secret of success, my Christian reader. Work with all your might, but never trust in your work. Pray with all your might for the blessing in God, but work at the same time with all diligence, with all patience, with all perseverance. Pray, then, and work. Work and pray. And still again pray, and then work. And so on, all the days of your life. The result will surely be abundant blessing. Whether you see much fruit or little fruit, such kind of service will be blessed.”

Muller, George

“Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticize me, and I may not like you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you. Encourage me, and I will not forget you. Love me and I may be forced to love you.”

William Arthur Ward

-I found I’m scared-

I found I’m scared to know I’m always on your mind.

I can’t find my camera, but I shall go on without the visuals and describe talentime anyway. Not as spunky as last year’s, not as fun, but just as lovely -Because we worked for it, and we did it as a class.

In the end, I didnt drum, nor did I keyboard. I moused. (: I was a blind mouse and I was supposed to bump into my fellow mice and pretend to fall – basically act stupid. I can’t say ACT like I don’t have a sense of direction because.. well, I didnt have one to begin with.

Did I mention that I can get lost in Orchard Rd MRT? Haha. (:

Today, I realised that whilst everyone is on the 2nd-last-day-of-school high, I’m on the 2nd-last-day-of-identity low. I have always been an SC girl. Or waaah! SC GIRL wor!

You know, that kind of rubbish you get. haha. (:

Sometimes, when i get teased (by people from other schools), its on the basis of me being an SCGS girl. The whole stigma attached to it. I used to loathe it, but now, I’m going to miss it. The irony of it all, the irony of life, the cruel nature of us humans that we never ever know what we have till we are about to (or have already) lose it.

I’m terrified that I lose my friends.

In the past, I used to believe that I had friends who knew the very words written on my heart, and I theirs, but presently, I barely recognise them. What’s left of what used to be a (best)friendship is merely a nod of acknowledgement in the corridor, maybe a small smile. When we see each other, we remember. And sometimes, there are traces of it in our mannerism.

Sometimes, none at all. Sometimes, we take the easy way out and simply ‘not notice each other’.

And then there are those I can confidently say that I love very very much. I never used to be able to comprehend the notion of ‘love’ between friends, I was never able to understand.

Till they came and taught me how.

Then it was a whirlwind of immature 11 year old, 12 year old conflicts, small tussles, big jokes, tinkling laughter. Decks of poker cards, talks of fairytale romances and marriages over a game of bridge; Being Lynn’s niece, Debbie’s sister, and the 3rd party in Jeanette’s marriage to Angela. Writing stories about petty grudges and submitting it to the Buddy Writing Competition. Chinese poetry, emptying pencil cases and the special notebooks Sarah and I shared – writing notes – trying to fool the teacher. Praying for forgiveness, awaiting reconciliation, which never came.

Crying because I couldnt get into Dunman High, but realising God’s perfection barely 5 months later when I received my CA1 results for HigherChinese. Playing bridge bridge and more bridge.

Discovering my love for Literature, discovering my passion for debate. Making a choice between debate and netball and making the right one. Talking about boys during math lesson.

Falling down, picking myself up again. Sometimes, needing to be dragged forward by the stronger, and falling behind to carry the weaker. But loved. Always loved, even though I was not always liked.

Bible study, huge passionate discussions about the End of The World, and Heaven. Knowing that we would see each other there, yet silently unsure at the same time.

I have so underestimated my life and its containment of blessings, choosing to shortchange myself and those around me by mooning and brooding. See, I have begun to go all melancholic amidst beautiful reminscency. (:

Being called a dozen different nicknames in a year alone must be the highlight of 2006. Especially the lovely picture of an eggplant I have in the class photo autograph page.
Don’t worry, I won’t forget.

But I’m terrified that I might. I have trouble remembering so much. I’m so afraid that despite loving them so much, I might not love enough to pick up the phone and dial their number.

Fear. Doubt. Pessimism.

I found I’m scared.

Now I can relate.

Jesus Take the Wheel
Carrie Underwood

She was driving last Friday on her way to Cincinnati
On a snow white Christmas Eve
Going home to see her Mama and her Daddy with the baby in the backseat
Fifty miles to go and she was running low on faith and gasoline
It been a long hard year
She had a lot on her mind and she didn’t pay attention
She was going way to fast
Before she knew it she was spinning on a thin black sheet of glass
She saw both their lives flash before her eyes
She didn’t even have time to cry
She was sooo scared
She threw her hands up in the air

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can’t do this all my own
I’m letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I’m on
Jesus take the wheel

It was still getting colder when she made it to the shoulder
And the car came to a stop
She cried when she saw that baby in the backseat sleeping like a rock
And for the first time in a long time
She bowed her head to pray
She said I’m sorry for the way
I’ve been living my life
I know I’ve got to change
So from now on tonight

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can’t do this all my own
I’m letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I’m on

Oh, Jesus take the wheel
Oh, I’m letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I’m on
From this road I’m on
Jesus take the wheel
Oh, take it, take it from me
Oh, why, oh

Lovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelove what does it mean?

Colour

I have many reasons to be glad.
I have many reasons to be high and dandy.
I have many, many reasons to be bright and cheery.

I suppose I am. (:

Firstly, I have loads of freedom to do what I want with my time. (to an extent) Like slack away on the computer doing absolutely nothing (nothing worth mentioning anyway), and like what I did today, spend the afternoon playing with dogs. (: I really should get myself onesome. (:

Secondly, i get to play bridge everyday! (albeit with UNO cards, but its fun bidding 1 red, 2 blue and 3 green. no? (:) My favourite mates are Debbie, Danitza( aka. Madwoman), and Lynn. haha. Bridge always makes me smile.

Thirdly, my mum is coming back this Sunday. With her comes with all the shopping and the stories. (: I remember when she used to work in another company that required her to travel to London once to twice a year, most of my clothing were bought there. Hai! those were the times.(:

And well, my grandmother is out of the ICU and into the General Ward. I’m praying very hard that she’ll be discharged in time for my granddad’s birthday.

‘LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup;
You have made my lot secure.
The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
surely I have a delightful inheritance.

I will praise the Lord, who counsels me;
even at night my heart instructs me.
Because He is at my right hand,
I will not be shaken.’

Psalm 16: 5-8

I will try.

Eh.

9 currents:
Current Mood: Neutral
Current Taste: Celery
Current Clothes: Pyjamas (:
Current Desktop: Sunlight reflecting off the maple flooring i put on my blog earlier
Current Toenail Colour: none. (:
Current Time: 10:10pm
Current Surrounding: My study room. Breeze. Messy tables. and me. I fill the room. 😀
Current Annoyances: Drumming for talentime.
Current Thoughts: I emptied my mine when i typed this. (:

8 firsts:
First Best Friend: Yiying
First Performance: I can’t remember. Kindergarden. I have some pictures of me looking damn scary.
First movie : Cinderella??? I can’t remember.
First Piercing: 6 months old – ears.
First Lie: I can’t remember. Probably, “are you tired?” “no. I wanna watch tv“.
First music: Probably ‘Jesus Loves me This I Know. (:’
First Car: don’t have one.

7 Lasts:
Last Drink: Juice
Last Car Ride: This morning – to school
Last Embarrasing moment: Eh.. I don’t know. (:
Last movie Seen: Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon on DVD
Last Phone call: Aunty Jessie.
Last CD played: Planet Shakers – Always and Forever about 3 days ago. (:

6 Have You Evers:
Have You Ever Dated One Of Your Best Friends: Yup.
Have You Ever Broken The Law: Yup.
Have You Ever Been Arested: Nope. (:
Have You Ever Skinny Dipped: In the bathtub?? (: hurhur
Have You Ever Been On TV: don’t know. (:
Have You Ever Kissed Someone You Didnt Know: naw.

5 Things You’re Wearing:
1. My FUNKAYY purple glasses!
2. Pyjamas
3. Ugly brown scrungy
4. What you cannot see (:
5. –

4 Things You’ve Done Today:
1. Played Bridge with UNO cards
2.Monopoly
3.Taidee with UNO cards
4.Played drums without the drumset. Gee. I need Amos to teach me again.

3 Things You Can Hear Right Now:
1. This I Promise You by N-sync
2. Click click of the key board
3. Voices downstairs

2 Things You You Can’t Live Without:
1. Things? Hmm. My Faith.
2. Loved ones.

1 Thing You Do When You’re Bored:
1. Switch on the computer.

Sweat

Girl
There’s somethin’ ’bout me that you oughta know
I’ve never felt the need to lose control
Always held on back and played it slow
But not this time

Baby, don’t be gentle,
I can handle anything,

Baby take me on a journey
I’ve been thinkin lately
I could use
A little time alone with you
Crazy, let’s do something maybe
Please don’t take your time
You’ve got me right where you want me

Woo hoo hoo
Right where you want me

Girl
I’m gonna let you have your way with me
When you move like that it’s hard to breathe
I never thought that it could be like this
But I was wrong

Baby, don’t be gentle,
I can handle anything,

Baby take me on a journey
I’ve been thinkin lately
I could use
A little time alone with you
Crazy, let’s do something maybe
Please don’t take your time
You’ve got me right where you want me

Can’t explain it
How you swept me off my feet
Unexpectedly
In slow motion
My imagination’s runnin tryin to keep my body still
Oh, I can hardly stand the thrill

Yeah

Well,Baby, don’t be gentle,
I can handle anything,

Baby take me on a journey
I’ve been thinkin lately
I could use
A little time alone with you
Crazy, let’s do something maybe
Please don’t take your time
You’ve got me right where you want me

The Letter ‘T’

Yahoo. (: That sounded so lacklustre, but i think i can be happy without being high. (:

I spend the afternoon with yiying after church and i was HIGH!! i was happy and HIGH! but since my computer is crawling like a SLUG and i can’t do anything without having to wait 433452341mins for the page to load, i am simply content.

let’s see, we went to tampines mall because i supposed (with dav and sasha’s enthusiasm) that it would be nice to shop in. okay, let’s give it some credit. it was okay, but it was disappointing.

Maybe only because we couldnt find anything yiying liked and i wanted to get her clothes because she keeps on complaining she is lacking in nice clothing. We went into every single shop and the only ones that were oookay, was Fox (I thought the ‘F’ stood for Fila :D) and espirit. in my expert opinion anyway. 😀

So in the end, she got a nice cup (actually i don’t really like the design) with a ‘T’ on it and a nicenice coaster. (:

Then we went to cold storage (or is it NTUC?) intending to buy “groceries” and sushi, but i ended up just buying a spring chicken (ready cooked mind you =]) for dinner (which didn’t taste really good) and SOYA BEAN. I didnt bring my water bottle so I was THIRSTY. (:

I didnt bring my cam so i didnt take photos.

Then we went to her house and lay on her bed and talked. talked talked talked. she REFUSED to let me switch on her computer. lol. 😀 so we could only talk.

RAAAH! (:

hello. i’m glad you kind of enjoyed yourself. here’s the post dedicated solely to you (: i would get you something nice to wear when i find it. Size ‘S’, now i know. (:meanwhile, there are some nice clothing in my closet that are NICE, you can come over to see some. (:

lub lub lub euuu’ hahahahazzzz

😀

its nice to have a bestfriend.

So What.

I like it like that.

I like it ugly and dirty.

But its not ugly. Its reality.

I have absolutely no right to rant about anything, because I don’t want to. I have been blessed beyond my own understanding, blessed beyond my capacity. Well beyond what I have deserved.

Exams brought out all the shit in me. Competitiveness, bitchiness, selfishness, and spite. Insecurity, weakness, indiscipline.

A weak mind that crumbles under stress.

Amazing how exams can make you learn so much about yourself. Amazing how exams can cause you to feel so lonely.

So painfully dejected, and brutally hurtful.

I had a whole lot of anger in my fist. I wanted to hurt, I wanted to cause pain. I was provocative. I stalked around with a glare.

I said stupid things and threw stupid tempers. I ignored the inconvenient and treated friends like punching bags.

Why? Because no one was feeling the way I was. And no one asked.

Can you hear the selfish and self centeredness? Can you sense the spite?

I have to learn how to deal.

Sin is turning me into a monster.

Another reason why I shant rant is because there is a ‘Kill Rachel Campaign’ in school. (:
I love them too.
Very much.

(There’s gotta me)More to Life
Stacie Orrico

I’ve got it all, but i feel so deprived

I go up, I come down and i’m emptier inside

Tell me what is this thing that i feel that i’m missing

and why can’t i let it go

There’s gotta be more to life

Than chasing down every temporary high to satisify me

‘Cause the more that I’m…

Trippin out thinking there must more to life

Well it’s life, but I’m sure…there’s gotta be more

Than wanting more

I’ve got the time and i’m wasting it slowly

Here in this moment I’m half way out the door

Onto the next thing, I’m searching for something that’s missing

[Chorus]

Than waiting on something other than this

Why am i feelin’ like there’s something i missed…

Always…Always.

So what? So what?..

Its my pride. Its the temporary high. Its all the wrong things.

All I need is You, all I need is You Lord, is You Lord.

I Remember

lovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelove.

i shall dwell on the happy tender moments.

i shall dwell on the little things that made me laugh.

i shall go the extra mile to not make you worry.

I really shouldnt be experimenting with alchohol. I’m 14.

but that doesnt mean you should be experimenting with alchohol. You shouldnt. Whether you’re 14 or 40. haha.

but now, I know that 1 full glass doesnt make me feel woozey in the least. (:

I really wanted to post pictures about where i went last night, but my mum took the camera (i think). we went to THE japanese restaurant. (: i tried tuna sashimi for the first time, and tried the japanese “saba” (go find out what it is (: ) for the first time.

There was tempura eggplant, but i refused to eat it. haha.

hmm. what else. i have been vegetating in front of this screen for like.. what.. 4 hours? 😀

fat fat fat fat fat rachel.

haiyah.