i tell you ah. i don’t like this blogskin. sheesh. but i couldnt stand the other one liao.

this is too red for me. ><

i’m feeling quite miserable with the blogskin. and the daunting fact that i havent started my DEP and i have to finish it by 5pm tmrw.

i have plans man!! i wanted to watch shows and sleep and spend time with my family. doing what we usually do..

like what we did before i lost my life to VJC haha. =)

play boggle! bake cookies! (ingredients i need ingredients)
hmm. just sit around and read books.

i miss playing badminton with my dad.

starlight by muse. i realised that i had it on my playlist a LONG time ago. hahaha.

you know what i want now? i think i want you. but i don’t know.

Squint.

Masquerade, paper faces on parade

Hide your face so the world will never find you.

Almost Here.

Almost here
Brian McFadden and Delta Goodrem

Did I hear you right
’cause I thought you said
Let’s think it over
You have been my life
And I never planned
Growing old without you

Shadows bleeding through the light
Where the love once shined so bright
Came without a reason
Don’t let go on us tonight
Love’s not always black and white
Haven’t I always loved you?

But when I need you
You’re almost here
And I know that’s not enough
And when I’m with you
I’m close to tears
’cause your only almost here

I would change the world
If I had a chance
Oh won’t you let me
Treat me like a child
Throw your arms around me
Oh please protect me

Bruised and battered by your words
Dazed and shattered how it hurts
Haven’t I always loved you

But when I need you
You’re almost here
And I know that’s not enough
And when I’m with you
I’m close to tears
’cause your only almost here

Bruised and battered by your words
Dazed and shattered now it hurts
Haven’t I always loved you

But when I need you
You’re almost here
Well I never knew how far behind i?d left you
And when I hold you your almost here
Well I’m sorry that I took our love for granted
And now I’m with you I’m close to tears
’cause I know I’m almost here
Only almost here

whoo. i always leave you behind. sorry.

getting a grip; feel my pain

ice cream at taka

2 hours of sleep

in air con

I remember sitting by the computer in the library at SC reading Sylvia Plath with lynn.

I remember intending to watch King Arthur tonight

I remember that I’m supposed to meet danitza and talk this saturday

and listen to a sermon about conversational evangelism

I remember that I need to start studying because all my lessons are flying past my head

I remember that the worse place this mind can go is the lost of direction

I realise that I’m in two places at once

One foot in reality and one foot in a corner of my mind

why?

I don’t know.

When I’m caught in a state like this, I don’t usually know anything at all.

I found out that the teachers read the students’ blog.

and I realised that I don’t give a damn.

at this point in my life I don’t give a damn about a thing.

I probably would later

I probably would smile tomorrow

I should.

But you see, there’s what i should do, and what i’m actually doing

we should have tried on the hats at wisma today, sheila

hi cedric

you heard what you weren’t supposed to hear but i don’t care.

baby, i love you

and i’m glad that your life’s better yiying

thanks for coming over joann

we should have went jogging, but we didn’t.

we should have tried on the hats, but we didn’t.

what else?

i should have went for debate, but i didn’t.

i should have passed my geog, but i didn’t.

me against my life.

words words words, where are my words??

status: confused?

status: upset?

status: upset – yet cannot be bothered?

or

status: give up?

Ah well. Review week – you reap what you sow.

You don’t work smart? You work at a snail slow pace, you don’t have enough sleep, you let stress get to you – you do badly.

That’s that.

Back in SCGS, I could always do my last minute mugging and pull it off. Whoohoo, not here baby, not here. Here, you mug last minute, you DIE.

I realised that my lack of sleep is causing me to miss lesson content, and my stress is causing me to lose hope.

Math: Fail
LA: Barely Pass
HCL: Pass
Bio: Fail

Funny thing, I did well for what I usually screw up for. Ironically, or, worse still, it brings forth no sense of satisfaction in the least.

I think that the only thing that could have made me happy was a really good score in LA, but that was not to be. That was what made me really upset.

And its not because of the mark per se, but the fact that the reason why I fell was simply because I misunderstood the questions, and I didnt put my reader response theories in CONTEXT. I made fundamental mistakes like not answering TO THE QUESTION which was really retarded I thought, considering that this was a total recall paper.

Well done.

And I have no time to breathe, no time to cry, no time to accept it and learn how to move on, no time to get my life right. I have to do my elective homework and worry about NAPFA which is, of course, to most, a stupid thing to worry about.

ranting is an immature activity.

and i’m immature.

yet another tick on the “fail” list.

i do not need a reason to be angry with God

Jaime said this and she was dying from bloody cancer.

I declare war on my life and myself.

at least i have youYouyouyouyouyouyouyouyou.

Happiness
by Carl Sandburg

I asked the professors who teach the meaning of life to tell
me what is happiness.
And I went to famous executives who boss the work of
thousands of men.
They all shook their heads and gave me a smile as though
I was trying to fool with them
And then one Sunday afternoon I wandered out along
the Desplaines river
And I saw a crowd of Hungarians under the trees with
their women and children and a keg of beer and an
accordion.

Jesuslovesyouandidotoo.

slacking season

status: over.

but, really, what a way to end it man (:

let’s see. I made three cocoa discoveries today.

1) M&Ms DARK
2) Meji Almond Chocolates
3) Royce Champagne

I had alot of the dark m&ms. I think Justin regretted offering me. =D

hmm. spent quality time with a close friend (who screwed up my reputation with Samuel and Imran on MSN -_-) haha.

And. Guess what amazing thing happened on Friday?

SCGS GOT INTO THE FINALS OF THE JGS.!!!!

ahahaha! Praise the Lord!

I was standing outside with the guys watching the debate through the window and making alot of noise. Hahaha. And when they won, it was like YES! YESYESYES!

and, Jon Chong is back, and with long hair. wow. XD

sigh. I must post the picture when i get it from suzy. I don’t care. hahahaha. =)

I miss times like these when you can just let time go by and forget the world. Forget obligations, forget schedules, forget time constraints, forget any thing of this sort, any restriction whatsoever.

Spend time alone feeling the breeze carress your face and lace your hair

or with a friend, enjoying the scenery and the silence.

We had a “know thyself” session the other day at East Coast Park and I just sat(and lied facedown and back up etc etc. lol.) down at the breakwater and watched the clouds, listened to the waves, feel the light patter of rain drizzling on my forehead and the nape of my neck.

I must do that again. I should do that often. Haha.

I have to plan a workout schedule, and a study schedule, and a REST schedule.

It seems that I waste all of my rest time on stoning and engaging myself in meaningless activities. Like… eating junk food. and stoning again.

hahaha.

well. here’s to a more organised life. and hopefully, a more meaningful one.

=)

Tantrums

bang bang bang

screamo

whine whine whine

get mad at everyone.

i think i expect too much from people. Especially those I care about and am familiar with.

I’m sorry if i hurt or offended you guys in any way.

breakdown – Chris Draughty.

I’m in need of meaningful phone conversations to get me through the week.

Where it is not problem ridden, but just plain lighthearted sharing, and laughing and having fun. (: I miss that.

no wait.

I miss HAVING THE TIME and FREEDOM to do that. Considering that I reach home mostly after 6 these few days, i hardly have time and freedom to make phone calls like these.

Also, i need people to talk to. Hahaha. I shall need to start calling my scgs friends.

Well. Back to work now. Ironically, days are really slack, free and easy. Nights are hectic and CRAZY.

SLEEP, i need SLEEP.

sc | its these quiet evenings that make me love says:

i cant imagine what it would be like to have someone like me talking to me

sc | its these quiet evenings that make me love says:

the first me refers to sam chan, the second me refers to myself as someone else

Rachel. says:

HHAHAHAHA

sc | its these quiet evenings that make me love says:

im quite sure you get it

Rachel. says:

LISTEN TO YOURSELF

Rachel. says:

HAHAHA

Rachel. says:

you funny person

Rachel. says:

=)

sc | its these quiet evenings that make me love says:

fine! laughing at me humph

Rachel. says:

pout! POUT! i wanna see sam chan pout. POUT

sc | its these quiet evenings that make me love says:

i have problems expressing myself! nooo

sc | its these quiet evenings that make me love says:

no you dont

Rachel. says:

POUT!!!!

sc | its these quiet evenings that make me love says:

*use some jedi mind trick*

sc | its these quiet evenings that make me love says:

you do not want to see sam chan pout

sc | its these quiet evenings that make me love says:

*use logic*

Rachel. says:

POUT!!!!!!

Rachel. says:

haha

sc | its these quiet evenings that make me love says:

you do not want to see sam chan pout cuz you’ll go blind!

XD